


All I want is to put a smile on your pretty face.

by hidinginmyroom



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-24
Updated: 2013-01-24
Packaged: 2017-11-26 18:18:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/653072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hidinginmyroom/pseuds/hidinginmyroom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry's girlfriend seen through his eyes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All I want is to put a smile on your pretty face.

Sometimes I can see that the smile on her face is real, she looks happy and like there is noting in this world that she can’t do. Everything looks perfect trough her eyes then and in those moments I wish I could see life trough her eyes. I want to know what it’s like to feel like everything is that perfect. It is in these moments I can hear her laugh and it’s so wonderful and all of her lights up and she is just overwhelmed with the happiness. These moments make me understand that she is still in there and that the rest of the time is just her trying to hold it together. She is trying so hard and it making me fall apart seeing how hard she is struggling. Trying to be happy.

Most of the time she is just empty, can’t feel a single thing. All she does is sleep and there is noting I can do to get a reaction out of her. Noting matters and she tells me over and over that all she wants is to sleep. She doesn’t understand why she should be awake when there is noting that makes her feel anything. Sleeping always makes her feel, she told me this many times. Most of the time it’s bad thing but sometimes she wakes up and feel happy, and then she is smiling, and when she wakes up like that it’s all worth it. Seeing her happy and having her tell me that she loves me and see in her eyes that she means it with all of her heart.

Her feeling noting is not the worst thing, I can deal with that and I understand. It works when she feel likes that, because I get it and I know how I should act. She doesn’t need much then, all I have to remember to do then is make sure she eats. When she feels empty she forgets to eat and it’s the only thing I need to remember she does. Even if I don’t like it, I know that her feeling empty is much better than what she does the rest of the time. When she feels everything. All of the bad thoughts. 

Ever time she falls apart like that it makes my heart break a little more, seeing how broken she is and how much hate she have for herself. I feel so helpless and I try so hard to make her feel better but there is noting that helps. All she does is cry and she always askes me why I bother staying with her. Tells me I deserve someone better than her. She never believes me when I tell her that she is the most perfect girl in the world and that there is no one else I would rather be with.

When she is that sad I never know what to do to make her better, I do everything I can think of but I can never get her to smile when she is that far down. It makes me hate the world for being like this and making her believe that she is anything less that perfect, it makes me want to hit ever person that have ever told her anything mean and I just want to prove to her that I mean every thing I tell her. I just want her to know how mush I love her and how all those stupid people are wrong and noting they say matters. 

The thing that hurt the most is what she does to herself, what she does to make the bad thoughts and feeling go away. How she drags that razor over her arms to try and stop feeling like that. It always makes me cry when I see new scars and I feel so stupid for not being there and stopping her. For not being enough to make her feel better and not feel so desperate that she feel like that is the only thing she can do to feel better. I just want her to see how perfect she is and that what other people say doesn’t matter, because she is perfect and I love her more than anything in the world. I just want her to see what I see when I look at her, want her to understand that what I see in where is what she sees in those moments when she is smiling.


End file.
